the morning after

for a while there, I thought you forgot about the possibility of us… but then we had a few drinks which then leads to things becoming dangerous. for once you started touching me in public, it turned me on so much. people were looking but it didn’t phase us. I guess I got too damn excited & drank too damn much. I had plans to go back to my place & tear the bed up.. once again, I got too fucked up & you didn’t want anything to do with me. I wouldn’t want to fuck with me either, you couldn’t even look at me.. I really need to stop, turning into the devil fucking up the inevitable. I’ll say I’m sorry every morning after & you’ll be pissed that I can’t handle my alcohol & what we could have done will become lost. 

lost in my head, that’s where I’ll be for the whole week after. thinking about what could have been & how I turn everything into a disaster. I don’t blame you but your distant habits fuck me up so much. when I need you, you ignore me, why do I feel so lonely…. I do it to myself, screw it all up, sorry for turning every night bad & messing up. I could show you better than I can tell you so don’t cut me out of your life. I obviously still want to be your friend but fuck you at night…. 

love the pain

you are a rose with many thorns. I pick you up when you are looking warm. I can see deep into your layers…. darker & darker…

aware of the jabs you will give me, but still drawn to your beauty. inhailing the magical essence, not thinking about the thorns. 

I can eventually see you capturing my soul. then I will be kicking myself when I’m ruined & restless. 

stuck

empty, unsatisfied. wondering if it will ever turn around. the anxiety, the doubt. I pretend that I am happy, but deep down I am bleeding. not exactly the way people perceive me. 

I feel like I am gasping for air. calculating things in my head pulling out my hair. 

heart beats fast, even when I’m laying in bed. thinking about the irrelevant shit that i have once said. 

sorrow

take my sorrows, throw them in my face. I know I’ve been a mess. my flaws, take them all, make me think less. punch me in the face, strip me of everything. most of it was poison. take it and burn it. burn all my old habits, burn who I pretended to be. get me back to that place. where I wasn’t lost, where I could see. 

possible shitty song

my mind, twisted, upside down. baby you make me love this crazy town. before I wanted to disappear, find a way out. now I’ve met someone and it’s you without a doubt.

you make me wanna be reckless, you make me wanna have no cares, about the way I feel deep down. I’ve been fighting with my feelings there is no other way out. you’re body is so striking, call that a knockout. 

calculated brain

immediate attention captured by me. the soul created in my mind, maybe one day I will find. that person I have created, will appear in my future, but they say it takes time.

I have this idea of the person for me. however, no one is good enough and no one will ever be. 

as sad and stubborn as that sounds, looking for that soul to come around. they aren’t real, just a fantasy, that one day I hope to have, created by me…. 

purpose

here for a reason, not sure for what yet. my story continues on, life, many lessons have not met. so much to learn, experience at full. day by day, push and pull. we will figure it out sometime down the road, that every day we awake will soon be a story told. 

react/respond

we sometimes act out as if we are unleashing inner thoughts. thoughts that we don’t even think about if that makes sense? we unleash at heated times, releasing things from our mind, a reaction that can be known as unkind. 

we explode at times without hesitation, situations building up creating frustration. we don’t think about the consequences or what life will be like when things are said. we just burst out wild thoughts on the top of our heads.

what does this do? frustration can make us act out forgetting at times what the fight is even about… is it really a fight? or am I adding to the fire? the reaction you have exploited was not even desired.

sometimes you are the issue. you don’t see how powerful your reaction can tamper with everyone around you. 

manage me, I’m a mess

you are terrifying, you are sweet, you are ruined, you are fresh. my mind tries to capture you looking outside of the mess. the mess that you define yourself as, the intruinging morals that you test are something that I cannot live without, we are all a mess.

I like the mystery and the way you pull me in, the presence of you’re soul always draws me in, wanting to explore deeper into you’re skin. 

you shut me me out completely without any explanation at all, my calculated brain will continue to fall.

fall, fall for you and the mindset you portray, the different mentality like no other way. 

wishful thinking

you don’t say anything at all, but I know you feel it too. when we’re drunk & fucked up, we always tend to screw. I wish you could let me in your mind & want me when you’re sober. time is passing us by, my feelings are taking over. you’re pretty face is one I’ll never forget, things we’ve done & argued about but I’ll never regret. I’ll never regret putting my body & lips on yours. you fuck me up, but I’ll always be back for more