the morning after

for a while there, I thought you forgot about the possibility of us… but then we had a few drinks which then leads to things becoming dangerous. for once you started touching me in public, it turned me on so much. people were looking but it didn’t phase us. I guess I got too damn excited & drank too damn much. I had plans to go back to my place & tear the bed up.. once again, I got too fucked up & you didn’t want anything to do with me. I wouldn’t want to fuck with me either, you couldn’t even look at me.. I really need to stop, turning into the devil fucking up the inevitable. I’ll say I’m sorry every morning after & you’ll be pissed that I can’t handle my alcohol & what we could have done will become lost. 

lost in my head, that’s where I’ll be for the whole week after. thinking about what could have been & how I turn everything into a disaster. I don’t blame you but your distant habits fuck me up so much. when I need you, you ignore me, why do I feel so lonely…. I do it to myself, screw it all up, sorry for turning every night bad & messing up. I could show you better than I can tell you so don’t cut me out of your life. I obviously still want to be your friend but fuck you at night…. 

whiskey & you

Two temporary antidepressants, two things that I indulged that taught me a lesson. You were there, but you weren’t really what I wanted. You weren’t good for me, temporarily uninvited. Uninvited to my heart but let in at lonely times, few drinks of whiskey and I pretended we were fine. Now I drink whiskey but not out of love, not to fake out my heart it was lust not love. The liquor made me feel like I loved you at these blurry times. Now I see clearly, no fake love on my mind.